How’ve you been?
Where have I been?
I guess I fell off the face of the earth about five years ago. Because all the sudden, my real life had gotten pretty interesting.
Hilariously, Buffy fans, I moved into an apartment with a guy named Xander. I lost access to my old ISP email account (the one that this LJ operated on until about 5 minutes ago), and all the sudden could not reconcile the image of writing Xander Harris with living with Xander McAsshole. Five years later and the thought of that jackass still makes me froth at the mouth.
And the other thing. Back when my password to log into the work computer was still S/XandCh0c0late, I got this new coworker. At first it was “well that kid’s kinda weird” and then I may have gotten a little stalker-y, and eventually he gave up and married me. It was the most painful, most wonderful time of my life to-date, and knowing what that is actually like now is… unbelievable.
We moved half way across the country together and are currently pregnant with our first children. And that is easily as emotionally confusing as it is grammatically.
But I never actually forgot.
So when I lost my job, here in the wet wildlands where I have no family support, and learned I was pregnant with twins… I think I may have also lost my mind a little. And I got a wild hair.
Knowing RaPH was unfinished has niggled in the back of my mind like a loose tooth. Knowing I used to enjoy spending hours… metaphorically banging my head against a wall, constructing sentences that would make my literature professors seethe, drawing images for myself out of dark swirls of color and metaphor… that has never really lost me. And I have this sudden urge to finish things. The painting on the wall of the cherry tree in blossom that is half-completed because I need to create an extra bough without disturbing all the blossoms, the blanket in the corner that I started knitting a few months ago until I got bored with garter stitch and had to knit baby-bootie announcements instead, and this. Especially this.
So I picked up my laptop – now seriously out of date and suffering from disuse – stammered out an explanation of the nature of what I was reading and writing to my husband who… spluttered and laughed at me (the last bastion fallen. I had never shared this with him) and teases me mercilessly, God bless him, and I got to work.
Finishing up a few last details.